Killer Bise and Bon Appétit; Customs I just can't get used to

I'm still working on Part II of the winter break story, so here are some other French things to keep you occupied in the meantime.

I was eating a baguette today (all anyone eats for lunch here is sandwiches made with baguettes) and a man I don't know walked past me and said, "Bon appétit."

I replied "Merci" sweetly but as soon as he was gone I thought to myself, WTF? And no, that's not French.

In France, when people see you eating they say "Bon appétit" pretty much no matter what. Sometimes they substitute it for hello or goodbye, sometimes that's all they say. I know it's just a polite thing to do, but for me the custom doesn't translate. Can you imagine walking past someone you don't know while they are chowing down on Taco Bell and saying, "Have a nice meal"?

It's true that the French have a different attitude toward eating than Americans. There are boulangeries on every corner (à la Starbucks) and even cafeteria food is delicious. But the thing that really bothers me about bon appétit is I have a sneaking suspicion that the French are really making fun of me when they say this. I don't know why ... there is just a certain evil look in the eye. Maybe it's because of the well-documented fact that only the French can eat a baguette without getting crumbs all over themselves. Je ne sais pas.

The other custom that really gets to me is the bise, or kiss. In France it's customary to greet friends and family with two quick kisses, one on each cheek. This is common throughout Europe, but different countries often have different amounts of kisses (in Belgium, for example, it's only one). I think it's a nice idea in theory, but sometimes a person you barely know ends up giving you the bise and then that's a little awkward. My most American trait, I think, is my attitude towards violation of personal space, and the bise definitely goes there.

Then there's also the hierarchy of who gets kissed and who doesn't. I'm friendly with some French people in my residence who never kiss me, and then there are some people I barely talk to who give me the bise once a day. But come to think of it, the other international students (excluding Brits, Americans and Australians) tend to initiate the bise more frequently than the French.

And when you're not used to it, there are all kinds of ways you can screw it up. One time I went to the right first (you're supposed to go left) ... that was embarrassing. And if someone is Belgian or Mexican you never know whether they are going to give you one or two kisses. That's hard for me because I have to mentally prepare myself beforehand for the kiss to be successful.

I complain now, but just wait ... as soon as I get home I am going to be kissing all of you.